Can You Please Stop Hugging Me Woman

Early in the morning.


It must have been in the middle of the night when I got brutally awaken by the noise in one of the bathrooms. I got myself (kind of) together, decided to check it out and stumbled out of bed.

To my surprise there was a naked woman in the shower. (Yeah makes sense.) Amazing ass, great tits and beautiful lips. She looked a bit young though. Maybe because she was petite. I would say 1 m 59 or something.

– Hi, I said, please tell me you’re 20 plus. Anyways, I am Roy and who the hell are you?

– Are you for real man? Yesterday you told me your name was Filip. And by the way, I will be 30 in a few years. Sometimes I feel so old.

I decided not to respond to that.

– What do you mean, I asked?

– Are you okay, Filip? Do you want a line? But this is not cocaine.

– Ketamine? Don’t tell me it’s speed. I don’t like that cheap shit.

– It’s some kind of valium, she tried to explain.

– Can you sniff valium? Whatever. Bring it on.

She jumped out of the shower and started strangling me. (For some reason she seemed to be happy.)

– Can you please stop hugging me woman? I am not a human towel. Seriously. I have issues with strangers touching me. Don’t know how to deal with that shit. (And my shrink tells me to be more open about it. Express my feelings. So voila.)

– Babe, she said, promise me you will visit me in Moscow. You really should come and visit me.

Ja ja ja, I lied. But listen, I am a bit confused… did we…?

– No, you passed out. Pretty early.

– Okay. Yeah well, sorry for that. I have been on a roll for a couple of days already, Carnival, you know.

– Promise me you visit me in Moscow!

– Can you please stop hugging me so I can take the fucking line? Thank you!

(That valium only made me thirsty. )

– Anyways, I said, about Moscow. Yeah sure. Why not. I need to fix my passport though. But that has to be done anyway. I might visit you in summer when we will probably be having these fucking heatwaves again. Mind you, I am also supposed to go to Amsterdam, Berlin, maybe Stockholm…. I don’t know. Aah… so many places and probably so little time left.

(Good thing she didn’t get it. Things I say when I am still half asleep!)

– Okay, I said, I need a beer, some whisky, a smoke and then I am going to take a rest for at least 30 minutes. Feel free to join me. If not, make sure to close the door behind you.

Much to my surprise she joined me.

– Give me a reason to love you, she whispered in my ear.

– That won’t be necessary, I said. Just let me strip away your heart and see what I can find.

The rest is history.

– Can I take the painting with me?

– Be my guest.

And I already miss her. Lonely as I am, I am not going to have a Valentine’s evening. But who cares? Tonight PSG is playing Real Madrid or the other way around. Looking forward to it!

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